black girl magic · Inspiration · jamaica · Life · money · relationships · school · Uncategorized

Rich & Switch – The Ultimate Jamaican Betrayal?

Black people, I love you. We are the most creative, hilarious, hardworking set of people to exist (don’t debate me). But, we have some of the strangest mindsets that we hang onto for dear life, for fear of losing our identity. Today, I’m speaking directly to my black Jamaican community.

We need to release this weird false sense of entitlement we have to being addicted to the struggle. We’re so averse to being successful that when people get the opportunity to upgrade out of their dismal surroundings we refer to them as “rich and switch”. I’ve been a part of multiple conversations (some turn arguments) where I’ve been TEASED for being “uptown” or not being able to relate to certain struggles in life. There have been times when I literally felt ashamed of being raised in what is considered an “upper middle class” community, going to a prep school, and only ever having turkey neck once in my entire life after begging my mother to cook it just so I could see what all the noise was about. (My mother doesn’t cook turkey neck, not because it is considered “poor people oxtail” but because she genuinely isn’t a fan).

And then one day it hit me like an Audi S3: I would be doing my parents the ultimate disservice if I continued to let people make me feel ashamed, less black or less Jamaican for being raised the way I was.

And here’s why – Both my parents came from harsh beginnings and worked especially hard to get us where we are today.

Here’s a bit of background on my father: (In the interest of not making this blog too long I’ll focus mostly on his story.) Daddy grew up in the small rural community of Top Hill, Manchester. If you’ve ever been to Top Hill, you’d know that he grew up in the definition of “the struggle”. Even to this day, electricity is a luxury, there’s barely running water, and black and white TVs are still a staple in most homes. Poverty, yeah hey! (QQ Voice).

He was the first of 12 children and he left Top Hill at age 14 to escape the hardships of the community, and an abusive (and slightly psychotic) father to come to Kingston to live with his aunt and uncle. He didn’t have much to begin with, but he decided there had to be more to life than his current circumstances, and so he went in pursuit of it. He barely went to primary school, and thus didn’t qualify to attend high school, but being the brilliant mind he was, he was able to learn “a trade” in masonry and building construction. From there he literally built his life from the ground up, from being the “likkle man” on the construction sites to being a building contractor for the government and the private sector (and the MANY odd jobs in between that I can’t even begin to list). And dad learned early on that making connections was important in climbing the ladder (anti-social as he was), and soon he was driving around the governor general and shaking hands with the prime minister. (Random cool fact: Dad was a part of the promotion team that brought THE Michael Jackson to Jamaica in the 70’s). I don’t care what Beyonce says, Gerald Dawkins was the definition of a hustler.

Things didn’t always work out the way he wanted, but my father was always determined to make it work in order to provide a good life for his family. It is because of the hard work and support of my parents why I was able to attend a prep school, and why I went to university without having to apply for student loans, and for that I am forever grateful. (FYI, there is NOTHING wrong with primary schools and NO SHAME in student loans).

It would not only be disrespectful but an absolute waste if I was to settle for any quality of life lower than that which my father worked super hard to ensure that I was able to enjoy. Were there hard times in the past? Absolutely! Especially after he became ill and was unable to work like he used to. But those aren’t the times I want to meditate on. Honestly, if I could just forget all the times that we were so broke that mom had to use coins to buy groceries at the supermarket, or the times when they had to borrow cash from family and amazing neighbours (big up unuh self) to clear medical expenses, I gladly would. If that makes me a “rich and switch” then so be it.

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My point is, we should never be ashamed of where we come from, but we should also never feel comfortable to settle where we are. We must ALWAYS be aiming higher, pushing further and evolving from our current situation. And more importantly we must learn to support the people around us that are making moves. Encourage your friends to be winners. Encourage your friends never to settle. And GAS THEM UP when they’re doing great! Stop being hateful and jealous. Use their success to fuel you to want to become more successful. It’s time we stopped apologising for being prosperous, especially when we came from hard upbringing. And please, stop brainwashing children into believing that escaping poverty is the ultimate betrayal to their past or their “blackness”.

Best believe I intend to spend some Sunday mornings out on my yacht, being boujie as hell, drinking orange juice (not mimosas) from a champagne flute and sunbathing to improve my melanin.

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Will there be hard times? I suspect there will. But to stay there because I’m afraid of people seeing me as “uptown” or not true to my “culture” would be beyond ridiculous. In honour of my father (RIP dad), black girl magic, my name, Jesus’ life death and Resurrection, and my future family, I WILL be successful and I WILL be stunting like nobody’s business.

shemoney

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christianity · dating · film making · Inspiration · Life · money · relationships · Uncategorized

From a Living Single: Don’t Slide Into My DMs! Unless…

It goes down in the DMs – everybody knows the song. And if you’re on twitter you’re probably just at your wits end with these twitter stories of how people met their “bae” via twitter DMs or “shooting their shot” in their crush’s mentions. Coincidentally, this week alone I’ve had 3 guys slide into my DMs on 3 different social media platforms, and trust me, it ain’t all that.

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And before anyone can guilt me into thinking I should be grateful men find me attractive enough/interesting enough to slip into my DMs like a direct deposit slip at an ATM, let me just gently lay down some rules before you even consider hitting me up.

  1. Maybe find out if I’m single first?
    I know what you’re thinking. “How are they going to know if you’re single without hitting you up first?” Great question! By all means please feel free to let that be one of your first 3 questions. “Good afternoon, how are you?” “I just saw you on my feed and thought you’d be interesting to get to know. Is that okay?” “Are you single?” Then I can give my answer and we can both move on with our lives. I have no issues with you being forward just as long as you’re ready for my answer. Instead of the “hey ma! Been a while! Take my number and holla.”

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2. Don’t pretend you just want a friend, I’m not stupid.
Listen, it’s the blessing or curse of our generation. We’ve learned to communicate in interesting ways using the interweb. If a guy says he wants to watch Netflix with me I automatically take it as a euphemism to mean he wants to get laid. If you “slide into my DMs” I automatically think you’re looking for a relationship. Just want to get to know me? How about you hit me up in my mentions where EVERYONE can see? (Some of my closest friends right now I met through twitter mentions. It’s not that complicated)

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3. Thirdly, and most importantly, don’t waste my time.
The reason I’m so picky about my relationships and who I let into my circle is because I literally don’t have the time to waste. I’m too busy ensuring my mental, spiritual, financial and physical health is on 100.
I’m building my relationship with God while building empires for my grandkids and shooting films so I can stunt on my naysayers and help put Jamaica on the map at the Oscars, while still gassing up my friends and family when they’re out here being amazing. I have ZERO tolerance for time wasters in my life. If you can’t add to what I’m doing in ANY way shape or form, you already know you’re up to no good in my DMs. If you’re just trying to get laid, check Tinder, I got shit to do.

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If you’re not trying to be a better human being just in your day to day life, don’t bother. And for the love of God, if you’re not already building something or have plans of building these aspects of your life where I can help in some way, don’t bother. I’m not trying to be a trophy wife. I’m too busy, too tired and far too old to be playing games.

boom

dating · Inspiration · Life · money · relationships · Uncategorized

From a Living Single: Love Can’t Pay the Bills…

“Love can’t carry me to the supermarket.” – Unknown

And indeed, truer words have never been spoken. Now, I already know many may disagree with me, or even dislike me after reading this blog, but again these are solely my opinions and you can either take it or leave it.

I remember once watching an episode of Tyra, and her topic was “Should you marry for love or money?” And a couple she had on the show stood out to me to this day.

The woman had admittedly gone into the relationship only because she knew the man was financially secure.

The man had gone into the relationship simply because she was smart and beautiful and he wanted a ‘PYT’ on his arm.

They had both agreed that this would be the dynamic of their relationship and hence if he ever went bankrupt she would leave him… interestingly enough he was okay with this.

They were married for some amount of years, had children and seemed to be quite happy with each other.

The wife admitted that she had never been physically attracted to him (she went as far as comparing him to a lawn gnome), but again the husband was totally fine with it.

Both parties were holding up their side of the bargain and it seemed to be working perfectly for them.

#RelationshipGoals or nah?

Before I continue I have one question for my readers: Would you marry for money? 

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  1. According to divorce.usu.edu one of the leading causes of divorce is the issue of money, more specifically “less income”. Though “less income” may not always be the case, if money is already an issue in your relationship it certainly doesn’t help if you’re broke. #JustSayin

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2. Being in love, broke and content is not necessarily a good thing. – If for whatever reason you’re both unemployed, your top priority should be trying to find ways to get out of that situation. If you’re in a relationship where you’re both happy and comfortable being unemployed because “all you need is each other” RUN.

Your spouse should be the person pushing you to be greater than you currently are, not helping you to settle into your mediocrity.

If this is the future you have to look forward to, you’re better off single and broke.

3. Don’t get married on a zero dollar bank account – When you said the words “I do,” the words that precede was a commitment to stand by each other through thick and thin. Though this is true, you shouldn’t be striving to start your marriage on the “thin.”

If by some unfortunate luck of the draw one of you loses your job, the other spouse should be able to pick up the slack without having too much of a struggle. Again, I’m not saying this as a rule, but it certainly does make the process easier and will give you one less thing to argue about.

4. Having said all of that, my forth, final and probably most important point is Money cannot substitute for love or happiness. If your goal is to marry for money ONLY, I advise you to pause and think about your life.

Though I believe you can grow to love someone (seeing as though love is an action first and an emotion after) you cannot force someone to love you. Marrying a man or woman for their bank account does not guarantee you respect, protection, affection or guarantee them to be good partners, parents or lovers – which are all very important in a marriage.

If being financially stable in a relationship is going to cost you your peace and happiness, is it really worth it?

 

 

dating · Life · money · relationships

21st Century dating “Rules” are garbage

Every time I think this world cannot surprise me anymore I log onto social media and I’m immediately proven wrong. Typically I don’t do rants like this in a blog. I am the type of person to see something on social media, acknowledge the foolery for what it is, maybe send out a tweet or two stating my thoughts on the issue and move on with life. Not this time. But, before I go any further, let me just paste the picture below that has me this upset at 2:17 am, then i can thoroughly break down WHY this picture upset me so.

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Read the text in the picture above.

Okay, now read it again slowly.
Usually, I wouldn’t be able to even take this kind of rubbish seriously. I mean really, how could I? But no, I do think it is time we had a real sit-down-come-to-Jesus-Kum-by-Ya about the way sex in our society is seen.
1. 90 days of celibacy = 90 days of $0? This picture clearly implies that the “90 day rule” for sex that some females have (ps. If you are unfamiliar with the 90 day rule this may not make much sense to you. Go do some research then come back to this post.) should also go for cash when dating. This is the dumbest thing I’ve read in a really long time and believe me I’ve been pretty up to date with politics recently.
Now quickly, before I get attacked by all the men spurting inequality quotes and slogans at me, let me ensure we are indeed on the same page here. I am not saying that a man does not have a right to decide how he spends his money and within what time frame. Plastic or paper if it’s yours, it’s yours. BUT, to imply that sex and cash are equivalent just points to one of the biggest problems we have with today’s society.
We have been so conditioned to believe that if a guy spends his money on a girl she HAS to have sex with him. The choice is no longer hers because the guy CHOSE to spend his money to wine and dine her so it means then that she MUST give him the vagina. If she doesn’t give it up she’s seen as a gold digger, a bitch, etc, etc, the usual crap.
I’m sorry, you decided that I was interesting enough and maybe cute enough that you wanted to get to know me. You decided to take me out. I decided you were worth the time. I then decided I did not want to sleep with you, whether it be on date one, date five, or the date we’d have 4 months down the line (which is more than 90 days in case you’re counting) but you decided to keep on pursuing me. How do I then owe you sex for the money you chose to spend on me?

2. Where does this sex-money equivalent even come from? Call me crazy but I thought the days of measuring a woman’s worth solely based on her sexuality were done. This is after all the 21st century with people who are supposed to be smarter than their predecessors. Again, I’ve been rudely awakened. How do you measure sex on the money scale? How is a woman’s performance in bed measured by the Big Mac you just bought her? How do you decide that a dinner at Red Lobster is worth more in sex than a dinner at Olive Garden? Do you equivalent your dollars and cents to the number of orgasms you can get in one night? If this is what dating is like please take me back to when a guy would want to date me because he was interested in me as a person, not because he wanted to get into my pants.
If you take me out and I for whatever reason don’t feel like giving you access to what’s between my legs, it is my choice to make. And if you do follow this sex=money line of thinking you’re not mature enough to handle it anyway. I’m not short of dinners and I’m not above taking myself out for a nice meal. Deuces.

3. The fact that our teens and young adults are still thinking this way means our parents, history classes and sex ed classes are clearly failing us.
If we don’t know by now that what is suggested above is diluted prostitution, we are failing as people. If we don’t see a problem with that question, we are failing as people. If we are still teaching our girls that if a boy is nice to you, you HAVE to have sexual relations with him, not because you want to but because it’s just the law of the dating land, We.Fail.As.People.
Parents: Teach your girls to respect and love themselves enough to know that they do not owe ANYBODY ANYTHING because they are nice to them. Teach them to respect their bodies enough to know that they should ONLY have sex when THEY are ready and not because of some made up rubbish rules by self seeking idiotic people.
Teach your boys that there’s absolutely nothing wrong with dining a girl you like. There’s nothing wrong with being nice to her because you think she deserves it and there’s nothing wrong with him, or her, if at the end of 90 days she’s still not ready to have sex with him, even though he’s been taking her out on dates. Teach your sons that just like he CHOSE to dine her it’s her CHOICE whether or not she wants to sleep with him, NOT because of the money he spent, but because she thinks he’s worth it. Teach your children to appreciate themselves enough to appreciate this fact.

Being nice shouldn’t cost a thing. It should be human nature. If you’re dating somebody and it’s painful to spend your time and or money, it’s not worth it. Sex won’t fix that. Stop the foolery. Move on.