It goes down in the DMs – everybody knows the song. And if you’re on twitter you’re probably just at your wits end with these twitter stories of how people met their “bae” via twitter DMs or “shooting their shot” in their crush’s mentions. Coincidentally, this week alone I’ve had 3 guys slide into my DMs on 3 different social media platforms, and trust me, it ain’t all that.
And before anyone can guilt me into thinking I should be grateful men find me attractive enough/interesting enough to slip into my DMs like a direct deposit slip at an ATM, let me just gently lay down some rules before you even consider hitting me up.
- Maybe find out if I’m single first?
I know what you’re thinking. “How are they going to know if you’re single without hitting you up first?” Great question! By all means please feel free to let that be one of your first 3 questions. “Good afternoon, how are you?” “I just saw you on my feed and thought you’d be interesting to get to know. Is that okay?” “Are you single?” Then I can give my answer and we can both move on with our lives. I have no issues with you being forward just as long as you’re ready for my answer. Instead of the “hey ma! Been a while! Take my number and holla.”
2. Don’t pretend you just want a friend, I’m not stupid.
Listen, it’s the blessing or curse of our generation. We’ve learned to communicate in interesting ways using the interweb. If a guy says he wants to watch Netflix with me I automatically take it as a euphemism to mean he wants to get laid. If you “slide into my DMs” I automatically think you’re looking for a relationship. Just want to get to know me? How about you hit me up in my mentions where EVERYONE can see? (Some of my closest friends right now I met through twitter mentions. It’s not that complicated)
3. Thirdly, and most importantly, don’t waste my time.
The reason I’m so picky about my relationships and who I let into my circle is because I literally don’t have the time to waste. I’m too busy ensuring my mental, spiritual, financial and physical health is on 100.
I’m building my relationship with God while building empires for my grandkids and shooting films so I can stunt on my naysayers and help put Jamaica on the map at the Oscars, while still gassing up my friends and family when they’re out here being amazing. I have ZERO tolerance for time wasters in my life. If you can’t add to what I’m doing in ANY way shape or form, you already know you’re up to no good in my DMs. If you’re just trying to get laid, check Tinder, I got shit to do.
If you’re not trying to be a better human being just in your day to day life, don’t bother. And for the love of God, if you’re not already building something or have plans of building these aspects of your life where I can help in some way, don’t bother. I’m not trying to be a trophy wife. I’m too busy, too tired and far too old to be playing games.