It goes down in the DMs – everybody knows the song. And if you’re on twitter you’re probably just at your wits end with these twitter stories of how people met their “bae” via twitter DMs or “shooting their shot” in their crush’s mentions. Coincidentally, this week alone I’ve had 3 guys slide into my DMs on 3 different social media platforms, and trust me, it ain’t all that.
And before anyone can guilt me into thinking I should be grateful men find me attractive enough/interesting enough to slip into my DMs like a direct deposit slip at an ATM, let me just gently lay down some rules before you even consider hitting me up.
- Maybe find out if I’m single first?
I know what you’re thinking. “How are they going to know if you’re single without hitting you up first?” Great question! By all means please feel free to let that be one of your first 3 questions. “Good afternoon, how are you?” “I just saw you on my feed and thought you’d be interesting to get to know. Is that okay?” “Are you single?” Then I can give my answer and we can both move on with our lives. I have no issues with you being forward just as long as you’re ready for my answer. Instead of the “hey ma! Been a while! Take my number and holla.”
2. Don’t pretend you just want a friend, I’m not stupid.
Listen, it’s the blessing or curse of our generation. We’ve learned to communicate in interesting ways using the interweb. If a guy says he wants to watch Netflix with me I automatically take it as a euphemism to mean he wants to get laid. If you “slide into my DMs” I automatically think you’re looking for a relationship. Just want to get to know me? How about you hit me up in my mentions where EVERYONE can see? (Some of my closest friends right now I met through twitter mentions. It’s not that complicated)
3. Thirdly, and most importantly, don’t waste my time.
The reason I’m so picky about my relationships and who I let into my circle is because I literally don’t have the time to waste. I’m too busy ensuring my mental, spiritual, financial and physical health is on 100.
I’m building my relationship with God while building empires for my grandkids and shooting films so I can stunt on my naysayers and help put Jamaica on the map at the Oscars, while still gassing up my friends and family when they’re out here being amazing. I have ZERO tolerance for time wasters in my life. If you can’t add to what I’m doing in ANY way shape or form, you already know you’re up to no good in my DMs. If you’re just trying to get laid, check Tinder, I got shit to do.
If you’re not trying to be a better human being just in your day to day life, don’t bother. And for the love of God, if you’re not already building something or have plans of building these aspects of your life where I can help in some way, don’t bother. I’m not trying to be a trophy wife. I’m too busy, too tired and far too old to be playing games.
We live in a time period where everybody wants everything and they all want it right now. We’re so plugged into social media where people only show the best portions of their lives and we convince ourselves that only what we see on Instagram is real life. Then, we get angry when we can’t pop bottles or take yachts out with our girlfriends or go on vacations in Cancun with our soulmate. We’re so hung up on people’s lives that we get frustrated with our own, believing that life owes us something.
News flash! Life owes you absolutely nothing.
My advice to you: Work the deck.
Every deck has fifty-two cards. We may have been dealt a bad hand initially, but at the end of the day we all have access to the same fifty-two cards. Some may have to work harder to swap out their Jokers for Kings, but the Kings are still present. Learn to work the deck.
- If you understand the joker you understand life. The joker card is seen as the most useless card in the deck. Majority of card games don’t use the joker and so it is cast aside. However, sometimes the things that seem the most useless in life are the things that teach us the most valuable lessons. If you’ve never had a Joker card it can be hard to appreciate the King.
- Don’t be phased by someone else’s hand. Some people are dealt a great hand but they waste it and end up with a losing game. While on the flip side some people have a hand full of jokers but they work their way up to a royal flush. What makes the difference is how we play the game. We all enter the world the same, but how we exit is up to us. What do you want people to remember? Who do you want to impact? What do you want to change for the better? These answers are all up to you.
- We are all here to please an audience of One – the true Ace. If you want your hand to improve you need to focus on the Ace in the deck. Even if you have a hand full of jokers, having an Ace can make all the difference in your hand. Get familiar with your Ace and even if you have to drop every other card in your hand, hold on to your Ace. This will be the thing that drives you and gives you purpose – the ruler of the deck and the reason for the game.
In essence, the outcome of your life is in your hands once you know how to utilize what you have. We all come from different backgrounds and go through varying degrees of shitty experiences, but in the end ensure whatever happens in your life that you CAN control is your decision. Work the deck. Play the game. Finish on top.
I have held back on saying much about the accusations made against the Moravian pastor, and to be honest my main reason is because I am yet to really read the news article. Truth be told I wasn’t sure I’d be able to stomach it if I did so I left it alone and kept silent. However, I realised that my personal silence has contributed to the overall silence of the church and I cannot in good conscience continue to not speak out.
We as the church have very misguided beliefs and focus. Just a few weeks ago when the Jamaica Yellow Pages released the 2017 directory there was outrage and protests about the cover that displayed our culture (And dancehall IS a part of our culture whether we like it or not). Yet, we’ve been so SILENT on the sexual assault of a fifteen year old girl by a pastor.
Now, I am going to completely disregard the comments of victim blaming I’ve been hearing & seeing and simply remind everyone that it is the LAW that a 15-year-old CANNOT consent to sex. It matters not the time she was at his house or caught in his vehicle or even if she seduced him, she CANNOT under ANY circumstances consent.
Now that we’ve cleared up who is wrong in this situation let us get back to the matter at hand.
I refuse to believe that this was a one-off incident. Predators typically don’t do one-off instances. That being said, I also refuse to believe that NOBODY outside of his victims knew about it and the fact that it has taken this many years to be brought to light is a disgrace. Silence is cowardice. The protection of this man is cowardice. The protection of ANY such offender is cowardice and it blurs the lines on where we stand on with these issues. Who do we stand with? Whose backs do we have? Who do we cover? Who do we protect?
Brushing these crimes under the carpet does not make them go away. Do you want to know the fruits produced from sexual assault and rape? Lack of trust from anyone, PTSD, depression, anxiety, promiscuity, suicide (these are just the mental effects)… the list goes on. We wonder why so many of our people have dysfunctional lives? THIS is one of the reasons! We cannot preach this one away, church. We need to become proactive and the fact that we’re not reactive either causes for great concern.
Who are we trying to please or protect? God is perfect, it is us who are flawed so stop trying to “protect” God by sweeping crimes under the rug. God cares ZERO about our title as Christians if we refuse to live for what the title means.
I realise that a lot of what I’ve said is more of a rant than anything else but at this moment that’s all I can do. I am sick and tired of our ineffectiveness in places where it matters. Salt and light changes things but right now we’re as ineffective as Baygon pon croaking lizard.
Wake up and wise up.
On behalf of the church I apologise for all the victims & survivors or sexual abuse within the church that we’ve kept silent on.
I can no longer sit by idly and twiddle my thumbs. Who will join me?