Before you go off ringing all sorts of alarms, believe me, this is not a cry for help, quite the opposite actually. I sort of feel I’m at a level of awakening. Not in a weird fairy extra-terrestrial way, but in a way where “Be anxious for nothing…” (Philippians 4:6) is making more sense to me now more than ever before.
Let’s start at the top.
For some time now my life has been feeling like it’s just spinning out of orbit. Or maybe I’m being a little dramatic and two things going wrong starts to feel like it’s throwing off the balance of my entire existence …
Here’s the thing: I’m a planner. It makes me feel in control when I know what I’m doing. (Who likes being out of control anyway?) I’m the girl who’s had her life planned – from my career path (when I finally decided what I wanted to do), to what age I want to be married and have children, I even have my children’s names picked out (I’m not crazy, I swear) – but the funny thing about life is you can’t always control EVERYTHING. And these last few years have truly been a tremendous wakeup call for me. Who knew I can’t always get my way? Where was that written in the parentheticals of the script that is the Soap of my life?
So… after the MANY surprises (both good and bad) I’ve received this year I’ve decided to finally just chill. I’m still planning…ish, but definitely not to the extent I was before or to the detriment of my happiness.
That level of control really makes you and everyone in your life miserable. It places a level of expectancy on people that are not only unreasonable but also usually unreachable – including yourself.
This level of awareness also challenges me to forgive myself. Forgive my failures, my actions as a result of my own issues, my unreasonable reactions to people, my wanting to do God’s job for Him… all of it.
It’s all a part of the process. What I’m learning more and more is that nobody has it all figured out or all together. We’re really just out here winging it – from the youngest to the oldest of us. We’re all on our own separate journey, making the most of crappy situations, celebrating the awesome wonders of life and just keeping our fingers crossed that we aren’t making a bigger mess of things.
So my advice to you? Let yourself off the hook! Whether you’re a Believer or not one thing we can all agree on is we aren’t always in control … and that is a blessing because we’re all confused anyway.
So go ahead and do that thing you’re so terribly afraid of doing because you’re afraid to fail. Text that guy…the most he can say is “no”. Apply for that dream job – or better yet, create that dream job. Take that offer to move to a new country. LIVE.
Give yourself permission to live in freedom without the worry and anxiety of what will happen tomorrow. Be responsible, but be FREE.