dating · Life · relationships · Uncategorized

From A Living Single: It’s not worth it

We exist in a society where being a single 20-something year old is almost seen as a crime. If you’re 21 and without a partner it’s seen as the start of your infinite doom.

And God forbid you make it to 25 without any prospect of being married within the next 3 years.

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People have actually begun tapping their watches at me at weddings. (Ya, the nerve…)

With so much pressure being placed on finding your “happily ever after” before 30, some may feel the need to lower their standard and give up some things they hold very dear to their heart just so they are able to trade being a satisfied single for an unhappy partnership.

But, before you start throwing out your moral compass, here are some things I believe you should NEVER sacrifice for a relationship.

  1. Your faith – I put this first because to me this is my most important will-never-give-up-for-any-man-any-time-anywhere-ever-in-life-thing. As a Christian, spirituality (not necessarily religion) is extremely important to me. My spiritual life is my anchor. Without it, without Christ, I literally don’t think I’d be alive. On a day to day basis my beliefs are what keep me sane. (Trust me, I tried doing this life thing without it and it literally drove me to see a therapist.) Faith is something I have to have in common with my significant other simply because it takes up such a crucial, significant portion of my life. I have come to the realisation that nothing on this earth (as I said, I’ve tested this…) could ever replace the peace and joy I get from my spiritual life. If my “happily ever after” means giving up what I believe in, miss me with that mess.

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2. Your morals – Now, contrary to popular belief, your faith and your morals are not the same thing – even though your moral compass is most times dependent on your faith system. Your morals are what help you decide what is right and what is wrong. This therefore dictates what is okay and comfortable for you, and what is crossing the line. How you go about your day to day life depends on your personal moral compass. If you begin to sacrifice this, you sacrifice who you are as a person. Unless this is for the better (making you a better person) it’s definitely not worth it.

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3. Your dreams – The older I get the more I realise some relationships aren’t meant to last, but more to teach you a lesson so your future relationships can be greater, evidently leading you to your life partner. In my last relationship, if we were to take things any further I knew I would have to give up everything I’d ever dreamed of becoming, to play a role of something I was not. I knew that because I loved him I was willing to sacrifice what I wanted, to become what he needed. (Side note: before I get attacked by the feminists, there’s a lot more to the story that I cannot get into than just some woman giving up her dreams for a man).

I also realised that years down the road, I would have been of no use to neither him nor myself because I would have been miserable trying to fulfill this role that I made a vow to fulfill, but not truly being happy with myself, life and in tern the relationship on a whole. Sometimes for everyone’s sake and sanity, it’s best you not forsake your dreams for a relationship.

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To many of you, these may not be important enough to sacrifice for a life that promises to fulfill all your romantic dreams, but for me if it’s going to cost me my sanity and my happiness, I’m fine without it.

I’m sure some of you are thinking that I’m missing a few crucial ones, so I’m inviting you to comment and let me know one thing you’ll never give up for a relationship and why. 🙂

As usual, thanks for reading!

xo Alee.

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