Planning a Pandemic Wedding: Everything a Bride Should Know!

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“I can’t wait to plan my already stressful wedding during a high stress time… like a global pandemic!” Said, no one EVER! As girls, many of us dream of that day in our adult life when we will dress in the fanciest, possibly most expensive dress we’ll ever wear, be adorned in makeup and fine jewels and say “I do” to our dream prince. You know, just like the movies!

When my husband and I began dating in 2018, I never would have imagined that when we started planning our wedding it would be during one of the most difficult periods to hit the world. But, if it’s one thing this season of our lives has taught us, it is to leave nothing to chance and live every single day to the fullest with the ones you love. So, despite all the issues we knew would come with planning a wedding, we decided that there was no time like the present, and went ahead with our ‘pandemic wedding.’

Now, if you know me personally, you know anxiety has been a dark shadowy creepy cousin that has been following me around for years. So to be honest, planning a pandemic wedding may not have been the best thing for my mental health. But, having gone through it and being on the other side of glory, I can now guide other brides currently contemplating this huge step in their lives.

1. Breathe. First of all, CONGRATULATIONS! This is huge and I’m so happy for you! Take time to enjoy the fact that you are engaged to the love of your life. Revel in it. Stare at your ring for long periods of time. Become suddenly left handed or ambidextrous. Do ALL the things! Even though my husband and I had decided long before that we actually wanted to be married, and even begun planning the wedding before we were “officially” engaged, there was nothing like actually seeing him get down on one knee and popping the question. Don’t downplay it, it’s a huge moment so enjoy it!
2. Start planning early. There’s no such thing as being too previous when it comes to planning your wedding, especially during a pandemic! There are many things to consider and the time will go by very quickly. Research helpful blogs, contact your planner, organise excel spreadsheets to keep everything on track.
3. Consider going small. Look, we’re in the middle of a life altering pandemic, and being realistic is the only thing that will keep you from going absolutely insane while planning your wedding. Being able to carefully social distance while still following protocols of your country will help to keep everyone safe and give you peace of mind. Technology has been our best friend during this time, consider using it to your advantage for your wedding. Maybe downscale your 300 person guest list to 50 people who you know you and your fiancé absolutely, positively cannot see the day happening without, and send everyone else a virtual link! Pro tip: You will save a LOT on catering!
4. Read your contracts carefully. Many vendors have a nonrefundable deposit policy. We are living in uncertain times and the last thing you want is to be stuck with a date that won’t work well, or with crazy fees because of date changes. Inspect your contracts and speak with your vendors about their policies and leniencies, especially for the current times.
5. Only spend on the things that matter. The things that will last forever are those that will be captured. The dress, the makeup, the suit, the hair and the photos themselves. These are the things I absolutely do not advise cutting corners with. When all is said and done, all you have of the day are the memories and the photos (and or video) to back those memories up! That 300 person guest list that you’ve cut now gives you space within your budget to do these things well!
6. I must follow with – Don’t go broke! As important as your wedding day is it really is only ONE day. You have the rest of your life ahead of you! Taking out loans the size of a mortgage is not only irresponsible, but will cost you greatly in the long run and could possible cause friction between you and your spouse. Having a pandemic wedding means you are allowed to cut corners with otherwise expensive elements. Do you really need 10,000 roses for your decor? Does your cake really need to be 6 tiers? When you consider downsizing the list, also put into perspective all the other things that would cost you greatly that may not be such a big deal in the grand scheme of things.
7. Trust your team. If you have confidence in the team you’ve hired, trust them to do their jobs and do it well. Listen, as a self proclaimed control freak I know what it’s like to not know every single detail of your big day, especially with wedding jitters in the mix. All that happened was I gave myself heart palpitations, made my anxiety worse and stressed out my fiancé. If you trust your team, leave it in their hands. If you don’t trust them, don’t hire them!
8. Eloping is completely acceptable! There, I said it! Skip the stress altogether and simply elope! At the end of it all what really matters is this amazing journey you and your partner are about to embark on. Grab your lover, get a dress you love, pay an amazing photographer to capture those intimate moments and ELOPE! Your family and friends will understand, trust me!

Are you currently planning or planned a pandemic wedding? What was your experience? Let me know!

Love,

A.

What to do when you’re mentally DONE.

Disclaimer: I am NOT a medical professional in any way (in fact, I prescribe tea for every human problem…) but I do know a thing or two about being mentally exhausted. This is how I deal with it.

There have been times in my life when I’ve felt like an absolute BOSS. I was Olivia Pope-ing everything, all different elements and moving parts were handled without a hitch in the step of my five-inch heels. Then there were times, like the last few weeks where if the wind blew too hard it felt like too much pressure. Nearly everything made me anxious or sad, and I would have a solid moment of “What the hell am I doing?” This blog is dedicated to helping you get through those “wth” moments.

1. Cry – Seriously, let it all out. I guarantee you’ll feel better afterward even if you’re left with a pounding headache. Sometimes what you need is a good emotional cleanse to help you release all the unaddressed tension in your mind. So cry, wipe your snotty nose, sigh and get ready to tackle life again.

2. Take a nap – It’s no wonder when we were kids they would give us so much nap time… it was to keep us from acting a fool! As adults, we need to be taking the same approach. Sometimes when you feel overwhelmed a quick 15minutes of shuteye will do you some real good. So take a deep breath, close your eyes and nap!

3. Positive affirmations and prayer – Words are powerful. It’s the hardest thing when you are going through a difficult period in life to see the positive in your situation and speak it until you believe it, but this is definitely something I’ve seen work to not only improve your mood but manifest your thoughts. The truth is the World was created using Word, and hence there is a great amount of power in your words and the world you create with it. So, as hard as it may be, speak positively, and pray with a grateful heart and thanksgiving. Both will do you a world of good.

4. Reset and go again – Now that you’ve had your moment of all things self-pitying, it’s time to wake up to the reality that staying in this place does no good to change your situation. So, now it’s time to take action. What do you need to change about your current situation? Do you need a change of scenery? A quick vacation? A new read? A new job? A whole new life? It’s time to plan and execute! I would even advise getting a close friend, family or spouse involved. Sometimes having a listening ear can help you see things much more clearly.

Ready to kick your mental exhaustion’s butt? Go ahead and implement these strategies and you won’t need Iyanla to #FixYourLife.

For anyone who needs a private listening ear, my inbox is open!

Take care

x Ali.

The Truth. – The Battle of Life & Debt (Trigger warning)

The Truth. is a new blog series I’m starting. It gets personal, it gets raw, it gets heavy. This is a series that some may have to pass by, and understandably so. I’m not offended if you do. This series is therapy for me, but I really do hope I can help shed some light on what sometimes happens in the thoughts of survivors and why coming forward isn’t always as simple as outsiders would like to make it seem.

These are my wild thoughts…

There came a moment when I was very aware of the hundreds of contradicting thoughts that bombarded my mind daily. One of the many thoughts that managed to force itself to the front of my mind was “Do I owe him?”

A strange question, I know, but a very real one that plagued my mind.

This was my reasoning – if I fully turn to drugs or prostitution or become promiscuous as a result of what happened, then I become a part of a certain statistic. (I’ll explain this further in another blog). But if I decide I’m not going to sink any further into my depression and my own tormenting thoughts and I somehow manage to rise above this… do I owe him for extra motivation? Are my achievements now his? Do I now accredit my success to the trauma? Do I now become one of the many amazing people who’ve risen above their circumstances despite what life has thrown at them? Are my drive and my achievements any less authentic now?

I guess my question really was would I be who I am without this thing happening to me?

And so, for years I just wallowed between doing just enough and not pushing to my full potential… because I didn’t want him to be able to accredit anything I ever did to himself. It’s a very confusing conversation to have with yourself, and even more so to try and explain to others.

The truth is being violated changed me. I experienced things I wouldn’t have had I not gone through that traumatic event. I was emotionally and mentally flipped upside down. It was unlike anything I could ever compare it to and nothing I would want my worst enemy to experience.

In the midst of that, I was able to view things from a different lens. My compassion for those who experience mental illnesses grew. I was able to relate and wasn’t so quick to judge. My surge for justice became more powerful, and my need for activism was activated.

The simple fact of life is our experiences shape us – they shape our beliefs and our drive, but at the end of the day it’s what you do with these beliefs and this drive that matters. YOUR decisions are evidently what matters.

So, after years of struggling with wondering about my authenticity, I was able to finally let myself off the hook, knowing with confidence that I owed him absolutely nothing. I was able to reclaim that portion of myself without the heaviness of guilt weighing me down. I am who I am because of my own reactions to my circumstances and the grace of God.

There’s no debt to be paid.

The Truth. – Aftermath (Trigger warning)

The Truth. is a new blog series I’m starting. It gets personal, it gets raw, it gets heavy. This is a series that some may have to pass by, and understandably so. I’m not offended if you do. This series is therapy for me, but I really do hope I can help shed some light on what sometimes happens in the thoughts of survivors and why coming forward isn’t always as simple as outsiders would like to make it seem.
This is part 2.

Haunted.
That’s how I felt. Nightmares haunted my rest, memories haunted my wake. There was no break, no pause, no sigh. If I could scream to make it all stop I would. Just to slow everything down. Just to turn it off…
But there was no escape. This was my new normal.
Acceptance.
There was no real way to accept this as truth. There were still days when I would wake up wondering if I had imagined it all. But there was no way to escape how I felt. There was no way to escape the feeling of wanting to unzip my own skin and climb out. That very tangible feeling of being coated in something slimy. Now anyone/anything that touched me felt gross…wrong. I couldn’t wash it off enough in the shower because it wasn’t physically there. It felt like something was tacked on to my skin and was slowly weaving itself beyond the surface. How do you escape being touched in a high school of 1600 students?
Fear.
What if it happens again? Why does it feel like it’s always happening? Why does it feel like it’s still happening? A hand brushes me accidentally and I’m back in that room, stuck, suffocating, needing to scream but frozen.
A push, a shove? I’m back in real time temporarily, but with the sudden need to cry, run, throw up, disappear?
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
A war disease, as most refer to it. They were right. I felt like I was in the middle of a war zone and my mind was a landmine. My body was a crime scene and my thoughts were a courtroom – and I was judge, jury, witness, and executioner.
How long will it take for me to get over this? When will I be able to move on? When will I be normal again?
Never.
Never? I could almost hear my own voice respond to the silent questions of my mind. This is you now, remember? You’re one of them. They’ll never be free so neither will you.
But he’s free. He had his fun and he walked away scot-free… How is this fair? Where is God in all of this?
Silent.
In those moments I couldn’t recognise God within my friends who tried to be there for me. Or God in those short moments of quick release that kept me from going completely crazy. He felt distant, silent…nonchalant. And I was …
Alone.
Nobody around me understood. I guess there was a small blessing in that – in knowing no one else understood the trauma and the suffering I endured. However, it meant I was alone, and no one else could understand the trauma or the suffering I endured… there was no use in trying to explain how I felt or what I was battling. There weren’t enough words to scale down what I was going through. Words felt insufficient, like a mockery of my distress. So, I had to figure out how else to cope.
Self-harm.
Where did I ever learn that this was an answer to my emotional problems? Maybe a TV show? Maybe the internet? I can only recall that less than two months post incident, this was my new revelation. And so, I quickly became best friends with a razor. At first, I would only do it when I was home. Then that wasn’t enough and I started hiding it in my purse so I could do it when the environment at school became too overwhelming. It was a temporary release, but in those moments temporary fixes were enough to keep me afloat. It was as addictive as any drug and it was my little secret weapon against my emotional turmoil. But I quickly learned that my little secret couldn’t keep quiet enough, as the bright red marks on my skin screamed the truth to those closest to me.
Helpless.
How I felt. How my friends felt.
“Why are you doing this?” I can’t tell you. “Just talk about it.” No. “It hurts me to see you do this.” Sorry? “Are you gothic now?” lol… “Christians don’t cut.” Hmm… “Please stop.” I can’t.
I couldn’t.
I was already sinking and these words weren’t enough to catch me.

The Truth. – Confrontation (Trigger Warning)

The Truth. is a new blog series I’m starting. It gets personal, it gets raw, it gets heavy. This is a series that some may have to pass by, and understandably so. I’m not offended if you do. This series is therapy for me, but I really do hope I can help shed some light on what sometimes happens in the thoughts of survivors and why coming forward isn’t always as simple as outsiders would like to make it seem.

This is part 1.

The Truth. – Confrontation (Trigger warning)
Let’s just begin with this simple fact: confrontation is not validation.

Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way… it happened.

It took me about a week to really begin to come to terms with the fact that I didn’t imagine it, it wasn’t a mistake and that sick feeling I had in my belly wasn’t from a bad dream. This was real life. This was my life. I was 13 and I had just become a part of a statistic that I had only ever seen on TV. All of a sudden, what I had watched on TV all those years had become my reality.

What does this mean? I knew I didn’t look different… I couldn’t possibly look different to anyone else but I felt different. I felt stained. Gross. Unclean.
My thoughts felt like they weren’t mine anymore. They were captured by this new monster that had broken into my soul, uninvited.

Okay, something happened, but what exactly? I started doing research. Maybe if it wasn’t categorised as anything specific that meant it wasn’t so bad. But if it wasn’t so bad why do I feel the way I do? If I can’t find a category to put it in does that then devaluate my feelings? Should it have been worse for me to feel the need to complain or feel uncomfortable? If it doesn’t fit a category then maybe this person I thought I knew almost all my life wasn’t such a horrible person after all.

You’re overacting, Aliceia.

But I wasn’t. There was a category for what happened and it was a crime. My feelings were validated. There was a weird victory in that – in knowing I wasn’t crazy for how I felt, but that tiny victory came with the realisation that this was real.

Molestation. (verb)
It had a name. The monster had a name and now I had a label.

Victim. (noun)
I was one of them.

In one day, my life had completely changed. Everything I thought I knew had become skewed. Everything I thought I would do if ever in such a situation had changed. I had no idea what to do. I didn’t fight during and that made me wonder if I had somehow given him the wrong idea. I didn’t tell my parents after and so I questioned if that would translate to me wanting it.
I thought of saying something. I thought of speaking out, but every time the words would slowly climb up my throat and act as a vice around my neck. I was choking on something invisible and that made me feel even weaker. So I said nothing.
For two years I said nothing.
I had friends that knew simply because there were some things I couldn’t hide, like the fact that my weight was fluctuating or the cuts on my wrists, or coming to school slightly intoxicated just to get through the day. But I told no adult for 2 years.
I struggled with my thoughts, that grew into nightmares, that grew into insomnia for fear of having nightmares.
So, I slept very little, ate even less and began to accept my new reality.
PTSD. (verb)
Life felt real to me in a way that I didn’t know it could before. My senses felt way too sensitive, everything felt loud and far too bright and far too fast.
Hypervigilance. (verb)
Now everything had a name. Everything had a label. I was labeled.

Damaged. (adjective)

This confrontation wasn’t about him. In fact, twelve years later that confrontation still hasn’t happened, and probably never will.
This was my personal confrontation and how it changed my life.

Ps. For everyone who says that if confrontation never happened or women who wait years to come forward are lying… you’ll never know or understand unless you’re in the position. If you don’t understand something, it’s best you keep quiet, ye?

Just Flippin’ Do It!

The Lion King taught us all that life is a circle – you enter the earth, fulfill purpose and then you die…more or less… (I mean, at that moment when that opening montage was happening we didn’t know Mufasa would have to die in order for Simba to fulfill his purpose but we got the point.) But so many of us spend our lives in a circle of fear, worry and procrastination, then we panic when we realise how much time we’re wasting doing absolutely nothing. And then it becomes a comparison issue of how far “ahead in life” your friends or people in your age group are from you.
The truth is most of us believe we should be further along in life than we are, and as much as I understand it, I really believe the real issue is not that you’re behind in the race, but that you’re just on the wrong track completely.
So many of us are stuck in 9-5 jobs that we hate, leaving what we’re truly passionate about to sit in the back of our minds gathering dust and cobwebs while we frustrate ourselves and everyone around us by constantly complaining about how miserable and unfulfilled we feel.
And for many of us, it becomes a very tough situation to be stuck in because … well, the 9-5 typically pays the bills. But what if I told you that many of us have also been doing this portion of life backward? Your gifts, talents, and passion will make room for you (Proverbs 18:16), but instead, you’ve been trying to fit your gifts into a tiny box called “after work activities” or “side job”.
A very close friend of mine recently got the opportunity to branch out in her musical career. When asked why she didn’t do this sooner her response was “I never once considered this could be a thing for me.” For her, the opportunity pretty much fell into her lap without her even trying. Now, I won’t say that this will be everyone’s story, but the fact is she’s been sitting on a source of wealth this entire time without even knowing it. She was in possession of diamonds but could only see it as dirt. And that’s many people’s story.
What are you passionate about? What’s that thing you would do given the opportunity, work nonstop and still enjoy? What can you see yourself doing for the rest of your life? That word, image or phrase that just flashed across your mind, don’t dismiss it. Write it down, hold onto it, research and Just flippin’ do it!
It’s time to stop being miserable! I don’t care how saturated people have told you the industry is, they don’t have your individual element. Stop finding excuses.
For my young people who are without any major responsibilities (rent, mortgage, kids, etc) now is the time to do crazy things like resign from that job with that manager you can’t stand and follow your passion. You’ll feel like you have no idea what you’re doing. Many times you may even feel as if you’re wasting your life or you made a mistake (Many parents can relate to similar feelings, I’m sure). That’s all a part of the process and that’s okay. It will all eventually fall into place, but only if you put in the work.
As much as the opportunity for my friend “fell in her lap” she could have easily turned her back on it, or not taken it as seriously as she is now and screwed up a complete blessing. Ultimately, the decision of how far you go is up to you. You hold the power. We live in an era now where the internet has made the world so much smaller and hence your reach becomes so much wider with just a click of a button. Use it to your advantage and just flippin’ do it!
Ps. That “friend” is me.

But While I Dislike My Life…

Before you go off ringing all sorts of alarms, believe me, this is not a cry for help, quite the opposite actually. I sort of feel I’m at a level of awakening. Not in a weird fairy extra-terrestrial way, but in a way where “Be anxious for nothing…” (Philippians 4:6) is making more sense to me now more than ever before.

Let’s start at the top.
For some time now my life has been feeling like it’s just spinning out of orbit. Or maybe I’m being a little dramatic and two things going wrong starts to feel like it’s throwing off the balance of my entire existence …
Here’s the thing: I’m a planner. It makes me feel in control when I know what I’m doing. (Who likes being out of control anyway?) I’m the girl who’s had her life planned – from my career path (when I finally decided what I wanted to do), to what age I want to be married and have children, I even have my children’s names picked out (I’m not crazy, I swear) – but the funny thing about life is you can’t always control EVERYTHING. And these last few years have truly been a tremendous wakeup call for me. Who knew I can’t always get my way? Where was that written in the parentheticals of the script that is the Soap of my life?
So… after the MANY surprises (both good and bad) I’ve received this year I’ve decided to finally just chill. I’m still planning…ish, but definitely not to the extent I was before or to the detriment of my happiness.
That level of control really makes you and everyone in your life miserable. It places a level of expectancy upon people that are not only unreasonable but also usually unreachable – including for yourself.
This level of awareness also challenges me to forgive myself. Forgive my failures, my actions as a result of my own issues, my unreasonable reactions to people, my wanting to do God’s job for Him… all of it.
It’s all a part of the process. What I’m learning more and more is that nobody has it all figured out or all together. We’re really just out here winging it – from the youngest to the oldest of us. We’re all on our own separate journey, making the most of crappy situations, celebrating the awesome wonders of life and just keeping our fingers crossed that we aren’t making a bigger mess of things.

So my advice to you? Let yourself off the hook! Whether you’re a Believer or not one thing we can all agree on is we aren’t always in control … and that is a blessing because we’re all confused anyway.
So go ahead and do that thing you’re so terribly afraid of doing because you’re afraid to fail. Text that guy…the most he can say is “no”. Apply for that dream job – or better yet, create that dream job. Take that offer to move to a new country. LIVE.
Give yourself permission to live in freedom without the worry and anxiety of what will happen tomorrow. Be responsible, but be FREE.

#GasThemUp – Yannick Reid

It’s my absolute joy to see people you once shared similar spaces with really just stand out and completely own their space. Though he was several grades above me, Yannick and I often crossed paths in high school because we shared mutual friends. I have followed along with his amazing journey for quite some time and was elated when he accepted my proposal for an interview.

**This is a part of an ongoing series called “#GasThemUp” where I interview my friends who are entrepreneurs. The answers to the questions are 100% theirs but the setting of the interview is completely from my imagination. Enjoy!**

*****

Backstage

I glanced down at my backstage media pass, feeling beyond grateful to even be in the crowd. As I watched Protoje finish his final number “Blood Money”, my eyes shifted to the far left of the stage where Yannick Reid discreetly stepped out for the perfect closing shot. He glanced down at his camera’s viewfinder and approving of the photo, walked over to where I stood. He was my target for tonight’s interview. 

               “What was your first introduction to photography?” I asked as soon as he reached me.

        “My dad. My dad is a professional PR photographer and he’s been one for as long as I can remember, he first put a camera in my hands.” He smiled at the memory.

       “Did you always want to follow in his footsteps?”

He thought for a moment, “No actually. I was really interested in cameras but I was more curious about video initially than photography. Regardless, he taught me photography and after doing a couple stage shows like Reggae Sumfest, I developed an interest in it.”

        “Oh nice, so you were always into the arts?”

He motioned for me to follow him as he went towards the artist lounge behind the stage.

        “I’d say yes. I was really into cartoons and animations as a kid so I would entertain myself with drawing and colouring. There was also healthy competition from peers as a kid too so there was a motivation to be better for fun. Those times till maybe the end of high school art was more about leisure for me, it wasn’t something I thought of as work or had to even think about. I’d either be watching tv, playing a video game or drawing. All those things just influenced me and drove me deeper into the craft.”

       “That’s really cool seeing that transition throughout the years,” I said as we sat in one of the lounge couches.

Protoje, along with his band and backup singers all filed in, still hyped from the performance.

Yannick stood to greet Protoje and the band, commending the performance. When he took his seat again I took a moment to admire the fact that I was surrounded by amazing authentic Jamaican talent, before jumping into the next question.

          “Did you ever feel pressure from your parents or peers to go the more traditional career route?” I asked, thinking of the creative tragedy it would have been.

           “Never. Both my parents are self-employed artists. I was fortunate to grow up not even knowing that some children were discouraged from pursuing a non-traditional career. It wasn’t until college that I realized that was a thing. My parents supported me in all my endeavours, traditional or non-traditional.”

       “Wow, extremely fortunate, especially considering how Jamaican parents are.”

          “Yeah, I’m really lucky and I really am grateful for it. Realizing how many talented young Jamaicans are discouraged by their families.”

Yannick checked his camera again, going back through the shots of the night. I watched as he scanned through the reel, appreciating his amazing eye and ability to capture the moment at just the right time.

               “The world is grateful to your parents allowing your gifts to shine. What’s been the proudest/coolest moment in your career thus far?”

               “Hmmmm That’s a hard one. Really tough. I think maybe the first time I did a music video for Protoje and it premiered on Complex, I was really proud of that. Also, I was featured in The Gleaner, not so much a big deal to me personally but it made my parents feel really proud and seeing them proud makes me really happy. And I think the coolest moment is probably just getting to see the world from photography. Always amazes me when I take a moment somewhere new and realize how I managed to get there and I feel pretty blessed.”

               “Aye! I love it!”

Maybe this was a form of inception… artist-ception maybe? Being an artist that was able to appreciate another artist’s appreciation of their work and achievements. It’s what I believe helps the creative community to grow. I felt a tinge of sadness knowing the interview was winding down, but happy I was even afforded the amazing opportunity.

I knew it was a typical interview question, but curiosity won and I had to ask, “where do u see yourself in 5 years?”

He sat back in the couch and tilted his head to the ceiling before replying, “Five years? Hopefully successfully travelled to every continent – I have Australia and Antarctica left, hopefully still working with Protoje, but also other artists that I’m fans of, enjoying my life with my craft and my loved ones.”

Satisfied with the answer, I continued, “What’s your advice to young artists just starting out, especially if they don’t have the support of family?”

“In life, a lot of people will not understand what you are trying to do until you do it. Some will come around and some will never come around. But everyone gets to live their own life, and your family has lived theirs, don’t throw away your passion for someone else living their life. Have a talk with them tell them you love them but you respectfully don’t need their opinion, you’re determined and it would mean the world to me to have your support, but with or without it I’m gonna do what I feel is right.”

 

And that was the damn truth. I echo Yannick’s advice 100% and encourage everyone to take that stand. At the end of the day, you have to live with you, even if no one else does. Will you be able to look back at your life knowing you lived and made your contribution to earth based on your passion or someone else’s?

Follow Yannick on his social media accounts:

IG: @thetherapistsol

Twitter: @thetherapistsol

Website: yannickreid.com

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God vs. Avengers: Infinity War

“Life imitates Art far more than Art imitates Life” – Oscar Wilde.
If you haven’t seen Avengers: Infinity War I HIGHLY suggest you save this blog until you do. MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD!!

Anyone who knows me knows that I’m a major movie enthusiast, especially if it includes superheroes (Marvel over DC every time…sorry, not sorry). So when Avengers: Infinity War was released I knew I had to see it as soon as possible.

If you know me you also know that as a filmmaker, it’s very hard for me to sit and watch a film or tv series without overanalyzing everything and hence I usually figure out the big twists before the climax (blessing and a curse). That being said, I DID NOT see the ending for Infinity War coming, and I was just as shook as everyone else. However, it was during the analysis process that a few things stood out to me, including some parallels that I could draw between the film and my spiritual life.

1. Life is a series of choices; your choices make all the difference – As much as we like to believe we have very little control over our own lives, this isn’t always necessarily true. Does everyone start off on the same plane? No. Is it always fair? Absolutely not. But at the end of the day, what you do with whatever situations you’ve been placed in is ultimately YOUR decision. As I’ve stated before in a previous blog (https://asdawkins.wordpress.com/2017/06/20/life-blog-work-the-deck/), some people have some extremely unfortunate situations (to put it lightly) that truly change the course of their lives, but even in those situations, there are choices to be made. [PS. My heart goes out to everyone facing what seems like an impossible situation right now.]

2. We don’t always understand, and that’s okay – There were more than a few moments during Infinity War when I wanted to throw something at the screen and scream “What the hell are you doing??!” The truth is, we don’t always understand people’s actions, but we sometimes get clarity when we understand their motives. Many times we’re quick to judge each other because the action doesn’t seem to make any sort of sense. However, if we understand someone’s motive for doing something a specific way, the action would make more sense. Sometimes we have to allow people to make their own mistakes and learn their own lessons without casting judgment, especially when we don’t understand their backstory.

3. Most importantly, ALL things work together for good. – This was probably the most important lesson I learned from this movie. I know by now you may all be thinking I’ve completely lost my mind. “Did she even SEE the end of the movie??” Let me explain. [SPOILER]

There’s a scene in the film where some of the Avengers were trying to figure out how to defeat Thanos. The conversation went something like:

Dr. Strange: I went forward in time to see all the possible outcomes of the present situation.

Peter: How many did you see?

Dr. Strange: Fourteen million six hundred and five.

Tony: How many do we win?

Dr. Strange: One.

Those chances are less than slim. They’re literally next to impossible. And when you see the end of the movie it makes you question so many decisions made, including why in the world would Dr. Strange just hand over the Time Stone to Thanos??

But it made me really think, if Strange knew the ONLY outcome that would be the best outcome for the universe – the one where they would all win, would he really willingly hand over the stone and leave the universe in doom forever? Himself included?

This is where my parallel was drawn. I’ve often heard people say “Why would an All powerful, all knowing God allow the evil to happen in the world?” And trust me, I get it. There are a lot of horrible, horrific things that happen on a day to day basis. There are so many things I just do not understand, and so many things I can’t wait to question God about. But why would an all knowing, all powerful God allow these things to happen and then promise the outcome is for OUR good? It seems almost sadistic. Sometimes it seems like with all the good we (The Avengers) do in the world, it can never outweigh the bad. Sometimes it seems like we’re fighting a losing battle.

The truth is Jesus is the true Avenger. God is the ONLY one who has walked to the end of TIME and seen ALL the different possibilities and He still allows some things to happen, while still promising us that in the end, it will be for our good. Just like in Infinity War, I didn’t understand what Dr. Strange did. I couldn’t understand the end of the film. HOW are they going to fix this when half of the universe has literally disappeared and it seems like the bad guy (Thanos) has won? But just as I’m trusting Dr. Strange and Marvel to come up with the most creative way to fix the situation and give the victory to the good guys, it’s the same way my faith in God works. All is not lost. I choose to trust the all-powerful, Omniscient God of the Universe to work EVERYTHING out for good in the end and place victory where it truly belongs. I trust Him to write and “right” the script of this world, and in the end, we will all look back at His MARVELous works in celebration.

The real power is not in controlling free will, but causing all the chaos and madness that our free will creates to still have the absolute best outcome in the end.

Isaiah 55:8-9 (NIV)

⁸ “For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord.
⁹ “As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.

#GasThemUP – Cakes N’ Bakes By Mel

I’ve been sitting on this blog for quite a while, partially because I couldn’t quite figure out how to do this in an original, but still interesting enough way, in that it wasn’t like a typical interview. Then the idea came to me to merge my love of storytelling along with the captivating interview, so that’s what I did!

***

I interviewed my friend and amazing pastry chef Melissa Cunningham about her business “Cakes N’ Bakes by Melissa”. This is a part of an ongoing series called “Gas Them Up” where I interview my friends who are entrepreneurs. The answers to the questions are 100% theirs but the setting of the interview is completely from my imagination. Enjoy!

Please follow CakesNBakesByMelissa on Instagram!

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The Life

Starting the weekend right is the perfect remedy for ensuring your Monday doesn’t suck. This was the thought that went through Ali’s mind on Friday evening as she sat and glanced around, completely surrounded by friends she considered family, with amazing food and wine at her fingertips. Ali, Rach, Ash, Mel and Yan all grew up in the same neighbourhood, and while life had been wonderful to them, they no longer lived in close proximity to each other. It had since become a tradition for these five ladies to meet and de-stress at least once a month, and she had to admit it was one of their best ideas yet.

She scanned the table filled with a pastry junkie’s dream – key lime pie, strawberry shortcake, Bailey’s cheesecake and a chocolate Ganache Drip Cake, and whispered to herself as she swirled her wine, “This is the life.”

“Right?” Her friend, Rach agreed. Ali nodded and smiled. She hadn’t realised anyone would have heard her.

“I’m going leave here fat but totally satisfied, so I don’t care.” Ash, chimed in.

Mel joined them on the deck, carrying a bottle of Moscato.

“Girl, I must ask what would you be wasting your amazing talent on if you weren’t a pastry chef?” Ali asked, as she bit into another slice her key lime pie. She closed her eyes savouring the incredible taste and the flavours that made her taste buds dance.

Mel unscrewed the bottle and poured herself a glass. “While I always loved being in the kitchen, I actually thought about dentistry then I got braces and considered becoming Orthodontist.” She laughed as the memory resurfaced. “Then I realized the sciences weren’t for me and focused on what I thought would just be a hobby: cooking. I began pursuing an Executive Chef future but along the way it still didn’t feel right. I guess it came to me one night that I was in the right place doing the wrong job. Then I went fully into baking after I graduated University.”

She took a small sip of the wine and reached for the strawberry shortcake. She took special care to ensure she caught a slice that was filled with actual strawberries in the middle.

“The world would seriously be missing out.” Yan agreed, while cutting into the cheesecake.

The ladies all nodded in agreement.

Ash sat back in her chair and pondered. “Was your family always supportive of your career choice?”

Mel licked strawberry frosting from her index finger before replying. “More or less. They encouraged me to do what I loved always, but also saw the downside: long hours, underpaid et cetera and so they encouraged me to keep my options open, in terms of maybe not working in the kitchen, but in the food & beverage department. I’d still be in the food service industry but not doing the physical work.”

“Oh, understandable,” Ash replied.

“What has been your proudest moment thus far?” Rach asked.

Mel smiled as she reached for her phone and pulled up her Instagram page to show her friends. “Having my work photographed by Dwayne Watkins and having a feature in Indulge magazine.”

“Oh my gosh, yaaaas girl!” Ali exclaimed.

Yan reached for her wine glass. “I think this is a perfect opportunity to toast.”

“You just want a reason to get more wine.” Ash rolled her eyes and laughed at her friend.

“I never need a reason.” Yan replied, topping up her glass.

They all laughed and clinked their glasses together. “To Mel.” They said in unison.

“Tell me something though, what’s your secret ingredient?” Rach inquired.

“If I tell you it won’t be a secret.” Mel swirled her wine and winked.

“True, true.” Rach agreed.

Ali leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms over her chest as she watched Ash pull a game of Taboo from her bag.

“The more things change, the more they stay the same.” She said.

They all laughed together. This was truly The Life.